5.8.23

Staring into the endless reach of the east river, tinted with a dark blue color that speaks to me so fiercely, I am overcome with a feeling stronger than myself. That realization that I am but a tiny part of this all encompassing world is only a sliver of the experience, and the only feeling within me that I can confidently identify. 

 

Bodies of water and the bridges that are laced behind them have always had a strange hold on me. There are many beautiful things in our world but it is only when watching the ebbs and flows of water as it encapsulates the reflections of its surroundings have I understood what true beauty is. And, feeling everything in my very soul, perhaps what I am feeling now simply represents my tiny mind trying to make as much sense as it can of this feat that only bodies of nature can achieve: pure, unadulterated, beauty. 

 

Regardless of whether I can ever put a name to the feeling that takes over my mind and body whenever I find myself staring out into the deep abyss, I know it will always give me the peace and clarity that I am always so desperately craving; that is more than enough. ​

 

​

9.14.23

I feel

lost

in my mind.

when I try to think about what’s wrong 

I don’t know. 

and when i try to live 

it all comes screaming at me. 

i hope it’s not always like this. 

i hope,

one day,

i find some peace,

that lasts.

​

12.14.23

i'm always saying later later later

but eventually 

it's the now

 

4.1.24

i just wanna lay

and pass away 

 

not to the nether,

just somewhere else 

for a while 

 

is that okay?

 

i’m not strong, at all 

I fall when a breeze pushes

I spiral when a thought intrudes

i run when I see a glimpse of the shadows.

​

i’m weak. and it pisses me off.