Balancing Ambition: A Student's Journey Through Stress, Success, and Self-Care
Mariya Jahan is a 21-year old junior at the University of Michigan pursuing majors in International Studies and Political Science. As President of one of U of M’s premier pre-law fraternities, fundraising chair of the Bangladeshi Student Association, and on the Community Organizing and Relations Committee of the South Asian Awareness Network, her plate can accurately be described as ‘full.’ When asked to talk about her average day, Jahan articulated that she wakes up around 8 am most days, heads out of her house by 8:45 am to snag some coffee before her first class, engages in two to four classes every day that free her around 5:30 pm, and has a variety of meetings scattered throughout the day. In regards to the specks of time she has throughout the day, she shares it becomes about getting as much work done as possible. “Any free time I get, I just sit down wherever I can find a spot and try to get through as much of the to-do list I can.”
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Jahan’s daily experience is not one that is uncommon amongst college students. With the pressure of bolstering resumes for the judgment of graduate schools and prestigious companies, maintaining excellence in classes to achieve the highly coveted 4.0 GPA, and simply dealing with the toils that come with early adulthood, the stress that follows us during the best years of our lives can easily become overwhelming. According to the American Institute of Stress, the primary mental health issue amongst college students is anxiety with 61% of college students seeking counseling for anxiety, depression, academic performance, family issues and relationship problems. Justin Heinze, Associate Professor of Health Behavior and Health Education at the University of Michigan’s School of Public Health found similair results in his study that reported 44% of students having symptoms of depression, 37% diagnosed with anxiety orders, and 15% who had seriously considered suicide in the past year. Such findings have prompted concern amongst health professionals and, to be frank, should frighten us all.
When asked how she would describe her mental health throughout a school semester, Jahan's answer was one that likely resonates with many of us, “it has its ups and downs.” Though at times she does recount having lighter weeks where she is able to go to bed at a reasonable hour and, if lucky, can squeeze in one 40-minute episode of Criminal Minds, most weeks don’t follow the same pattern. Often, with seemingly endless papers, tests, and daily homework, she shared, “it can be easy to wake up one day and find yourself drowning under the water.” But, she noted, the scarier part is “realizing you can’t remember the last time you came up for air.” Like a race that never ends, when there is finally a second given to rest, to breathe, Jahan comments that the sensation always feels like an unfamiliar tone.
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Making time for oneself, regardless of if you are in college, highschool, or have joined the workforce, can always be a hard feat. When asked about the topic, Jahan explained her difficulties with attempting to lead a balanced lifestyle. Namely, she talked about how she is often met with feelings of guilt when taking time out of her day to do something just for her, as the fear of not doing enough work always creeps in. For Jahan, this is partly a result of the Impostor Syndrome she has felt since her first day at Michigan; but for others, this just may be how we are wired. After years of working hard to get into college, followed by years of working even harder just to stay afloat in the new atmosphere, rest can become an obsolete term, tainted with deeply ingrained negative connotations. “Growing up whenever I would finish my work and just waste away the time on my phone, watching tv, or just goofing around, my dad would always have the same response: why aren’t you doing more?” This notion, that there is always more that can be done to better oneself, can definitely be extremely motivating, but it can also be very toxic.
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When asked how she handles her stress and manages it to ensure that she is making time for herself, Jahan shared, “when I know I really need a break, like I really need it, I will always put myself first. Even if it is 10pm, even if I know there are assignments I have to do, I have learned that I need to listen to my body. Because if my body isn’t happy, then I won’t be happy; and what good does that do anyone?” Within this thought, Jahan expresses her understanding over the fact that there is only so much her body can physically do and that, as a law of nature, there isn’t much she can do to change that. Though this may seem like a seemingly simple notion, understanding we can only push ourselves so far is not always an easy pill to swallow. For Jahan, hard work has always been the means of her success. So to come to terms with the harsh reality that sometimes, even at your best, things may not work out was a lesson that took her some time to digest. The moral of her story, however, is that rather than focusing on the outcome, focus on the process and just make sure that it truly is your best; “it is the only way you will ever be happy with yourself.”
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Beyond adjusting our mindsets to ensure that we are taking the time that we need to sustain the chaos that engulfs us, there are other aspects of life that can assist in finding balance. For Jahan, the external factors that, in her words, “make the ups even better, and the downs worth it,” are her friends. However, Jahan did note that there was a point in time when she had lost sight of that truth. “When your life is structured around the next goal, the next achievement, the next thing, whatever it is, you become so consumed by the future that… you completely neglect the present.” Everyday, Jahan shared, she has to remind herself to stay in the now, before too much of her present becomes the past. In this context, she has learned how to consciously appreciate the little things that bring her happiness, or, as she put it, “serotonin boosts.” With her friends, Jahan describes feeling a sense of peace and safety that she otherwise only feels at home. “The sounds of each other's laughter sending us each into another orbit of wheezing is a feeling like nothing else. And I know, when I look back at this time, it won’t be reminiscence about that paper that didn’t get done in time, or that test I should have scored a little higher on… it’ll be about the people.”
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Jahan’s experiences and growth in how she has lived her life should be a testament to us all. Ambition, drive, and dedication are all undoubtedly important tenets of success. But without proper care and resets, it is all a moot point. Appealing further to people’s need for efficiency, Jahan describes, “I’ve come to understand that the more my body undergoes wear and tear, the less productive I can be. So if not for me, but rather for my ability to keep on going… the occasional break has become a new part of the work equation.” However, even when taking work completely out of the discussion, it is integral to learn how to break out of the capitalist cycle at times. So, if there is anything to take away from Jahan’s testimonials, remember: work is not everything as even when you achieve all that you want and desire, you will still want more. Therefore, be grateful for what you have, enjoy the life you have been given, and try to actively choose happiness (at least sometimes).